Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
