I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
