There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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