I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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