just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
