reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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