Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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