you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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