the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
