Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
