This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
