I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
