That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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