you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
