Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
