There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
