4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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