Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
