Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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