yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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