...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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