What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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