i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
