Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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