Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
