I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
