In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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