Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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