She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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