Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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