The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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