he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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