A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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