Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
