She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
