Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
