I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
