i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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