He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
