normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
being pregnant is like rehab
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
