I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
