if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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