Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
