I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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