wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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