he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
