When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
