What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
