Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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