i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
