ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
