dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
