So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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