Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
