this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
