So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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