True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
