At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
