I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
