well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
