Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
