u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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