maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
