Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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